I like food.  And I really like to chew my food.  So how I wound up here… on day one of a Juice Cleanse… I’m still not sure.  But since I have committed to blogging about all I eat, even if it’s through a straw, I will be recording my adventure here.

I am highly skeptical of things like Juice Cleanses.  The body works well on its own, so why tinker with it? I am also probably an awful candidate for this because I am prone to blood sugar issues and migraines.  Somehow… I talked myself into trying it.  Let’s say it’s for research purposes!

So first, why am I giving up chewing for 3 full days?  Full transparency: I have been trying to lose weight for quite some time (I guess I REALLY like food).  I went on Weight Watchers and was thrilled as 18 pounds came off in a little under 5 months… but a year later, the 18 had come back on… plus a lot more… EEK.  I need to kick my own ass to get better about this and lose the weight. Because I need to be healthy, and my joints really like it.  It would also be nice to be able to wear half the things in my closet again… but let’s focus on health for now.

Also, I needed a reset.  I needed something to help me dedicate myself to eating less.  I had been debating a juice cleanse for some time, so when I saw that Gilt City was offering a deal on Cooler Cleanse ($104 for 3 days… it’s usually $58 per day), I figured “What the hell!”  3 weeks later, here I am.

Cooler Cleanse gives you 6 juices per day, which you are supposed to drink, in order, about every 2 hours throughout the day. (For more info about each juice, the order, and the science for the 3-day cleanse I’m doing, check their site here).  I have read that Cooler Cleanse was developed by (with?) Salma Hayek. Everyone loves a celebrity endorsement.

(image courtesy of CoolerCleanse.com)

There are a lot of unproven “facts” that come along with cleansing, and while I have no idea what is a real fact and what is a fictional fact, I do think that giving my body some time to eat less calories, filled with good nutrients can potentially help.  My concern is if I can stand not to chew for 3 days.

So I figured I’d record this for any else who is considering:

Day 1 (Tuesday):

• 8am- Cooler Cleanse delivery guy shows up right on time.  I am rewarded with a (very heavy) bag of 3 separate coolers, each with 6 juices.  (It was at this point that I stopped kicking myself for paying the extra $15 to have the juices delivered.  While they have a pickup location a few blocks away, I know myself well enough to know that I probably never would have gone to pick them up, and if I did make it, it was far too heavy for me to schlep home.)  I unpack 2 of the coolers into the fridge (and while excited to have 3 new lunch bags… I question if the amount of use they will get is worth the storage space) and put the other one by the door to take to the office.
• 9am- Crack open Juice #1 at my desk.  It is called “Essential Green” and contains cucumber, celery, parsley, spinach, kale, dandelion greens, watercress, pear, lemon, and ginger.  First sip is tough. It’s a bit bitter and I debate whether Truvia is REALLY considered sugar in this case.  I opt against the sweetener (I can do this!) and slowly sip (as instructed) #1 over the next 30 minutes or so.  By the end of the bottle I’m realizing that it wasn’t so bad afterall.
• 10am- I look up at my clock assuming 2 hours have gone by and it’s time for my next juice.  I’m not hungry, per se, but I’m looking forward to 11am.
• 11am- #2 is Grapefruit and Mint.  It really is just grapefruit and mint… it’s very citrusy with a small splash of mint.  It’s tasty and refreshing… especially during this heat wave
• Noon- Surprisingly not hungry.  But definitely feeling the effects of not having coffee (sleepy, but not headaches… knock on wood).
• 1pm- A tad bit hungry when I opened up my second “Essential Green” juice.  This one is going down a little easier from the start, but I do sort of wish this one varied it up a bit from the first.  I can tell I will be pretty sick of the reen by the time I’m done with 3 days (6 of them).
• 1:30pm- Just finished up the Green.  Stomach is starting to growl a bit.  Miss coffee.
• 2pm- Officially hungry… at least a little bit.  Telling myself (and my stomach) that a little hunger isn’t a bad thing.  This would also be around the time I’d be brewing my 2nd cup of coffee.  Oh coffee… why do we not realize how good things are until they’re gone?
• 2:55pm- It’s close enough to 3pm.  Though reaching into the fridge, all I have for this hour is young coconut water. Now I LOVE coconut water, but it does not a hunger staver make.  First impression: WOW! Delicious. Sweeter and more flavorful than regular coconut water. Much more satisfying.
• 5pm- Surprisingly satisfied… going to put off this juice for 30 minutes to push the last juice later (worried about a big gap between #6 and bedtime)
• 6pm- WHOOPS! Got stuck in a meeting and couldn’t get to my “Essential Red” until 6pm. Surprisingly, I wasn’t starving. Red included carrot, beet, apple, and lemon.  Pretty damn good, but I can’t stop burping carrots.  Perhaps I drank too fast?
• 8pm- Opened my final juice of the day: Almond Nut Milk (raw almonds, vanilla bean, dates, and filtered water).  It’s thicker than the rest and has a definite “diet shake” quality to it (but without that weird chemical taste).  I kind of like it.  Kind of.  Something about the taste is similar to licking a band-aid. Total turn-off to an otherwise nice flavor. And I noticed something weird… the nutritional information lists this last one as 240 calories and 19 grams of fat… for 1/2 the serving!  The total calories for the day are under 1.100, so nearly HALF of my calories are coming from my last drink.  I am not a nutritionist, but this seems kinda weird.
• 11pm- Literally cannot keep my eyes open any longer.  Feeling slightly headachey and slightly achey all over, but not sure if it’s at all correlated.

Day 2 (Wednesday):

• 8am- Woke up feeling decent. Not hungry.
• 9am- The Green looks worse when it’s separated and very unappetizing.  I shook it up and drank it down without much thought.  It’s not my favorite, but it’s not awful.

• 10am- Feelin’ good, but missing coffee
• 11am- Grapefruit and Mint was grapefruity and minty.  Refreshing.
• Noon- Feelin’ good, but missing coffee.  I’m starting to feel a little hazy, but nothing worse than being on cold medicine. (Though is that feeling healthy? HMMM)
• 1pm- I’m trying to delay my next drink so I’m not so damn hungry at 3pm… but at 1:20pm, I’m definitely feeling hungry
• 1:30pm- Barely made it. Feeling overly hungry and sleepy. Definitely having many “Why am I doing this?” moments… but I’m trying to stay the course.  I’m definitely sick of the green one at this point.
• 2pm- Tired
• 3:30pm- Not nearly as hungry as last time for this one as yesterday, but definitely feeling tired.
• 4:45pm-  Started feeling REALLY groggy and headachey. Broke down and had a handful of almonds.  Felt much better.
• 5:45pm- The nuts helped. But headache is still upon me.  Hoping this #5 (Essential Red) will help.
• 6pm- Hello Tylenol
• 7pm- Since #6 is so filling, I decided to have it early.  I still taste that weird flavor that I can’t get past.  I wish this one were better
• 9pm- Headache is back andnow my stomach is bothering me… I really have one more day of this?
• 11pm- Feel like absolute crap. Going to bed.

Day 2 summary: This was not a good day.  I felt totally tired, headachey, stomach achey, and just totally bleh.  I don’t know why I’m doing this and I need to make some changes for tomorrow.

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Tags: Coconut water, cooler cleanse, diet, Juice, juice cleanse, juice fast, juicing, Salma Hayek, weight loss